hey..

I look at myself and think over..hey the year has changed!!

I'm thinking and ask myself...hey what r u goin to do this year??

I close my eyes and make a wish...hey could I just turn back time and stop it at the time I like most??

I open my eyes and realise...hey your vacation time is over dear..wake up!! stop dreaming, your new time has just begun..

I check my agenda...hey there are things you should finish..come on work work!!

I take a deep breath and exhale...hey there,do u know that I miss you so much?

I stare at those pictures in my laptop...I know that I'll meet you again soon in this year..the new year has just started

I shut my laptop down,
I go outside my room....hey my friends are there and say..let's eat together

I smile at them and take my place....hey guys how r ya doin??
I laugh and forget all the things I've ever thought before..geez!!

there's no certain reason why I'm writing this :p just wanna say to myself..don't worry be happy =)...God works on all things.

I've waken up..n now it's time to go to bed hihi bye bye

My Xmas04 n New Year 05

humm...it seems that my English is not getting better yet after my year end holiday so this time let's mix the language again *giggle* Ceritanya ni..gw abis balik dari Belanda. Biar bilang seribu kali ke bokap gw kalau gw ke sana cuma mau ambil ID baru ternyata ga mempan...bokap tau aja kalau gw pengen liburan di sono ketemu doi, sahabat, ma temen2. huhuhuh jadi malu tapi bersyukur banget koq kalau akhirnya acc dari bokap turun juga cihuii!!

So akhirnya gw abisin kira-kira hampir dua minggu di Holland sambil numpang sana-sini..(ampun deh lo Lea). But it was the best Christmas and New Year holiday ever for me...ga tau kenapa padahal gw ga kemana-mana kecuali bolak-balik Amsterdam-Haarlem. Mungkin karena di sekitar gw ada orang-orang yang gw sayangin cieee....

Biar ga panjang-panjang sekarang gw mo buat list apa aja yang udah terjadi selama vakantie di Holland..

-hari pertama semua sakit kepala, cape2 abis perjalanan 7 jam langsung hilang deh begitu liat doi lagi nungguin di pintu kedatangan..(huhu bahasanya aneh banget) ^^;

-besoknya ada perayaan Natal nih di GBI Dotdrecht (bener gini nulisnya??) thanks God banget kalau isa ngerayain Natal.. hiks terharu.. abis di Sweden kagak ada gereja berbahasa Inggris..udah mbayangin bakal jadi Natal tersuram seumur hidup

-maen drama dadakan..ada pemain sakit nih..dikirain cuma pemeran pengganti ternyata maen jadi main starringnya (oro...~~) kasian deh lo Lea ngaplo di panggung maen drama pake bahasa belanda ga tau satu katapun...(>~<)huhuhuhuuhu..tapi kalau buat Tuhan apapun ga ada yang mustahal..amiinn jadi bisa bersyukur lagi deh..Natal-natal dapet berkat ngisi acara hehheehe...

-Maen CS (counter strike) untuk pertama kalinya...gila bener selalu jadi korban pembunuhan..emang ga ada bakat maen game tembak2 an dikirain mirip Duke Nuken tapi nggak... but there was a little happiness when I could kill my dear hunny twice hihihi..at least I killed someone in this game..

-Ditraktir KFC ma mas e KFC *hepi*...akhirnya setelah 4 bulan di negara tanpa ayam kentucky ini bisa makan juga berdua ma Anna di Haarlem..felt like little heaven for me but it's true..

-Ambil ID di city council ...finally I've got my new ID!! ni ID udah mau di discard ma gemente gara-gara ga diambil-ambil. Lea payah ngapain lo ga kasi tu ID lama ke sekolah biar bisa diambilin??!! But I believe it's God's plan..that I could go back to Holland and enjoyed my year end holiday..(dasar gundul!! what a f***in reason you had)

-kaimono alias shopping...what a perfect time!! discount everywhere..akhirnya barang bertambah..di saat tas udah ga muat lagi (-__-#)--bertobatlah nak!! udah mo akhir taonn...

-new year's eve..!!spending the night at Lordy and Johan's place (again) can't believe it's been a year...rasanya baru kemaren lalu kita kumpul di tempat yang sama. Time does go fast..some people stay, some leave, and some new come..many has happened during a year and we never know..all I can do is give thanks that I still have Him in me and people that I love around me...31/12/2004 ada Anton, Har Bud, DKNY, Riri, Fedi, Dodo, Beni, Lordy+Johan+tante+om Ben (yg punya rumah), Arief, Ardee, Josquin..(ada yang belum tercatat??)
(^-^)v
ups kelupaan si Hendra..gomen ^^;

-makan.. beginilah nasib orang numpang..makanpun akhirnya nunut di rumah orang ^^. Kalau di Anna gw dapet masakan Indo terus dari toko afhal tempat doi kerja, di amsterdam gw dapet kesempatan ngicipin masakan koki sekaligus calon pendiri restaurant Gaasperplaas cak Har Bud 'n mas Anton :p huhuhu...asik!! serasa makan di restaurant tiap hari selama di holland..(hoii sadar mbak..numpang tuu!!)

-pulang see what I mean..time goes very fast..when there's hello, there'll be goodbye..gara2 flight jam 7.20 pagi, gw mau ga mau harus ada di bandara semalaman sambil nunggu malam berganti pagi (biar nyatanya tetep aja gelap huhuhu..winter sih). Buat Anton..thanks a lot mau nemenin gw bergadang semaleman. Sad but de tijd is bijna op...all I can say is see you in the future.

yup..I think it's enough for today..udah hampir jam 2 pagi..gw mesti bobok ni. This posting is a memory without sound that plays like a movie in my mind..and I'll keep it for the rest of my life. Thx

Otousan

This person is scary. At least that what I always thought when I was a kid. He's my dad, the one who rules everything in my family. Everything can't be happened if he doesn't approve it. He has a very high temper, get angry so soon when someone disobeys him or something is not right according to his instinct. But actually deep inside his heart, he cares a lot about his family and his surroundings.

Three of us including my brother and sister cannot directly say what we want since we know it's hard to make dad say yes. I often asked my mom to buy me something or give me money so that I could buy some food at school, but it's kinda useless since mom always tell dad what I wanted to have. The day after he got angry with me and gave me a very long speech about how difficult was to earn money. Finally, I never had money in my pocket until I entered high school ^^;

But I don’t regret it at all. As I grow up I learnt that earning money is not a simple thing. Dad had taught me that we should care about single cent that we spent and it's a worth lesson.

My dad is a dictator. I should do what he commanded me to do like studying everyday, practicing organ everyday, go to bed before 9 o'clock, not to lay down in the sofa, giving good example to my sis and bro, help my mom in the kitchen, etc. If I didn't do what he commanded, he certainly would punish me badly. The fact that I hardly did what he ordered and after mom told him what I had done, the minutes after he let me stand outside the house until late night and locked the door. I cried but he seemed thinking that I deserved for it and mom could do nothing of it.

He hardly approved my request on the first time I asked it. Most of the time, he yelled 'no' at me or just leave us with no answer. But mom told me that later on he always thought again and discussed it with my mom. Once I really wanted to have an alarm clock, every time we passed by a place that sold those clocks, I asked my mom if I can buy one. But she always said that I should ask it to dad and I wasn’t dared enough to do that. Then mom told Dad that I really wanted to have an alarm clock, and he said no that just waste of money.

A week after is my 12th birthday, suddenly mom came to my room and gave me a little white box. She said it was from Dad. I was so happy that I found a cute alarm clock that I ever wished for and it was much more beautiful than any clocks that I saw in the clock stores. After all he just kept silent and said nothing about it but he knew that I was happy.

I learnt that people will appreciate and take care more of what they have when they don’t get those things easily. There are efforts and time cost.

My Dad is a hard worker. He worked everyday and built his career since he graduated from university. First time he worked, he aimed to propose my mom. Then I was born and then my brother and sister, my dad worked now to give a better life for his family. Since I was less than a year old, we often moved from city to another city. Dad changed his jobs many times and God helped him to get the jobs. But the best thing was he always got better positions in his new workplaces. After all, experiences are always the good teacher. He's very stubborn but responsible to what he has already decided. Delivering his opinion to the superior is a "must action" if he thinks something is not right even it endangered his position. Yeah, as you know that Indonesia is a country with high level of Uncertainty Avoidance.

He always told me, since I decided to continue my study in other city apart from my family, that he let me to do everything I'd like to do as long as I can take the responsibility for that. It's hard but I often want to runaway from the bad situation that I had. But the problem won't finish just by pretending not knowing it. It's hurt but I have to face it after all. This is how I learn to be more mature person.

Now dad has quit from his job and work alone as an entrepreneur. Life becomes even harder now because the income is unpredictable since we earn from what we can sell. Dad hardly tells me our family's financial situation now since he quit while I was in Holland. Instead of that he keeps supporting me to do my best in my study. I found the truth when I went back home last summer. I was so down to see that both mom and dad now are working twice harder than before to earn less than dad's salary before. But dad told me not to worry because God will take care and fulfill and God really does. Dad believes that if God let me to study abroad 2.5 years ago then He will make a way for me and my family ( and I have faith in it).

Life is not becoming simpler as we grow up. Someday children will leave their parents and live as independent people in the society. A lot of people fail to find their true self and finally lost themselves after they have to live as adults apart from their parents. Parents are just normal people that can come and go. They will leave us for sure but what they have taught us will stay forever. For me that's a lifetime treasure.

God is not human and He's everywhere. We often think that He leaves us when we are in bad situations. But the truth is that we leave Him because we only think about our own self and power. People can come and go but God stays forever. When I lost myself, He will find me and make a way; when I am left by everyone, I know He'll stay beside me. So whatever I am and whenever I am now, I will always have place to come back. The place that is called my Father's place (it's both my biological dad's 'n my heavenly Father's--get what I mean?)^o^

Daijoubu desu ka??

I can't say a lot words but I just wanna say that I'm sad Too many works to be done before Christmas so little time I have..gambatte ne Lea now seem like I try hard to cheer myself. Hope it will work...

When I desperate like this in the coldest country that I've ever known, I'd like to go to party, socialize with others, and of course to forget my problems a while and get a little warmth. But it's not a good way either (wakateru...) hiks hiks...Finally the best way I can do is keep fighting for my own sake and keep praying that God will lead my way and make everything in control ameen..

I want this, I want that, a lot of fun that I wanna have...but now just hold myself back for a while. I miss my friends, family, and someone there...but I put away those feelings until I successfully managed myself back:) Gomen ne..mina I don't mean to be indifferent..really. Sometimes I just lost myself somewhere, in the phase that over my reach. Maybe it's not the first time, as I could remember, mostly happened by the time I'm going to have my holiday. But in the end everything just back normal after the holiday. Just like refreshing stage..this is how I can enjoy my day off more. People will enjoy their spare time more when the time before they've got a lot of pressures from works or surroundings and then successfully get rid of them. Wish that will happen very soon. Suteki desu ne...

I'm practicing nih...:p

It is kind of unsual for me to blog in English ^^; Although I've been living abroad for about two and a half year, writing many english craps when I couldn't make my exams at school...it finally seems strange when I'm using this language in my blog. So please don't laugh if you get on my blog and read this post. I'm kinda doing a little exercise by doing this now hahhaha...

Well, I admitt that I surprise that most of my Indonesian friends who are studying abroad especially in Holland..present their blogs almost all in English. That's why, this session I'd like to participate too..pyuuhh it's still kinda weird dunno why (-__-) hihi...

Actually I'd like to do this long time ago...but sometimes I feel it more comfortable when I use Indonesian. Thus, I can express more what I wanna say..in so many words and slank words that at least myself can understand. Feel like sometimes it's hard for others to understand what I'm saying through a post..geez!! After all I think I need more practice..both writing in Indonesian and English.

My native language is Javanese..dunno why it has made me couldn't make so many different between Indonesian and Javanese. I think everyone understand what I'm saying coz I guess I'm speaking Indonesian already..but they don't really get it. huhuu..so sad..but can't help it. I need to think twice before I can say whole time in proper Indonesian...in this case I consider my English is better.

Some last words before I close this post. Feel glad that finally I've written it in English (^o^) Thanks God and thanks to my friendz..(lookin forward to having more posts like this)

taiyaki's shrine

lagi kepingin makan ni........I wanna eat taiyaki. Have anyone ever heard or see this type of japanese cakes??

I wanna know how does it taste..dulu si sering berpikir mungkin roti kaya gini enaknya diisi coklat ya nyummm...oishii desuu!!! jadi inget roti-roti berbentuk jagung di Surabaya yang isinya coklat ato vanila.

Katanya si dalamnya berisi sweet red soya...duh jadi makin pingin ugghuu...!!
Betulnya dah lama banget si tau cake satu ini..dari Doraemon kali ya?? aku lupa deh. Tetapi lebih tepatnya jadi muncul keinginan makan ini lagi setelah nonton anime KANON

liat deh si Ayu chan ugghuu....cewe satu yang suka mencuri taiyaki walaupun sudah masuk usia SMU. Gak bakal lupa deh sama anime satu ini yang bercerita tentang seorang cowo bernama Yuichi Aizawa yang kembali ke kota masa kecilnya yang ditinggalkannya tujuh tahun lalu. Di kota itu dia bertemu dengan gadis-gadis yang semuanya berhubungan dengan masa kecilnya 7 tahun silam. Mulai dari sepupunya Nayuki, si gadis rubah Makoto, cewe misterius pembasi setan di sekolah Mai, adik teman sekelasnya yang mempunyai penyakit yang kronis Siori, dan akhirnya gadis nomaden yang selalu ditemuinya sedang mencuri taiyaki Ayu-chan.

Yuichi dari sekian banyak gadis yang ditemuinya hanya ingatan tentang Ayu yang paling sering muncul. Gadis yang dikenalnya 7 tahun silam ketika sedang tersesat di pasar malam. Makan taiyaki bersama Ayu chan di masa lampau...sampai janji Yuichi untuk mengabulkan tiga permintaan Ayu. Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu..Yuichi mulai ingat satu per satu tentang hubungannya dengan para gadis..ketika semuanya telah terbongkar hanya Ayu yang tetap menjadi misteri.

Singkat cerita terbongkarlah mengapa Yuichi tidak mengingat masa kecilnya 7 tahun silam di kota itu. Tsukimiya Ayu yang ditemuinya pada masa sekarang adalah bayangan Ayu yang sebenarnya sudah tiada 7 tahun lalu. Ayu chan terjatuh dari pohon ketika bermain bersama Yuichi di hutan...dan Yuichi tidak bisa menerima kenyataan kecelakaan yang menimpa gadis yang paling dicintainya. Kenangan akan Ayu tetap hidup sampai 7 tahun mendatang sesuai dengan wish Ayu agar selalu bersama Yuichi...

And I think that's all for now, the rest of the story I keep it for later :)

Iseng....

lagi nungguin meeting ni...bosen banget rasanya. lagi-lagi cuma ngaplo di depan kompie skul sambil maen ini itu....huhuuhu pengen cepet pulang rumah trus bobo...abis lagi ga enak badan ni gara-gara sakit perut udah dari kemaren. Koq jadi males banget gini ya?? gak apa-apa deh minimal hari ini sudah menunaikan kuliah dengan baek hehehehe...gotta ciao now bye2

Livin in Digital World

Hari ini mendung...tumben ga seperti hari-hari biasanya. Akhirnya aku ngomel lagi...ketika matahari bersinar aku ngomel karena gak bisa tidur lama-lama begitu kena silaunya matahari pagi. Ketika mendung aku juga ngomel...where has my sunshine gone??...dasar manusia ga gampang puas dengan keadaanya (^^;)

Nah seminggu terakhir ini aku lagi dapet hobi baru. Betulnya bukan hobi baru sih...lebih tepatnya hobi lama yang kembali. Apa coba hayo?? gak lain mulai suka maen posting lagi di forum online. Dengan mulainya maen lagi di forum...aku jadi inget update ini blog yang udah lama kutinggalin gara-gara kegiatan yang berjibum di saat vakum dari kegiatan-kegiatan ini.

Entah bagaimana, dunia forum yang katakanlah termasuk dunia digital yang maya...bisa membuatku seakan memiliki kehidupan yang lain bersama teman-teman yang juga warga forum. Mungkin aku belum bisa ketemu para forum mania itu di acara gathering-gathering karena tempat tinggalku yang sudah mendekati kutub utara ini (jadi kuatir juga tiap kali nyebut tempat ini brrr....).

For me...people in the forum are so real!! karena kita bisa berbagi cerita, diskusi, ato maen perang-perangan dengan berbagai alat yang diwujudkan dalam bentuk tulisan. Mungkin bukan hanya forum, teman serumahku Lya dia juga punya kehidupan yang hampir sama di dunia dj radio indofm. Di chatroom dan aktivitas itu dia juga mendapat teman dari berbagai tempat dan negara yang belum pernah ditemuinya sama sekali, but she's really enjoy it...that's a part of her other life.

Kalau sudah begini adanya....mungkinkah suatu hubungan yang lebih bisa timbul di antara orang-orang yang hidup di dunia maya?? Katakanlah is that possible to find true love through digital world? Jaman mungkin sudah gila...tapi fakta sungguh berbicara.

Orang pada jaman sekarang akan tertawa ketika seseorang berkata "honey, I can't see you again until next year, would you wait for me? Please wait for my letter." Papiku bilang orang pada saat ini bukan dipisahkan oleh tempat melainkan waktu.

Dunia digital dan internet telah membuat segalanya mungkin, dalam beberapa detik suratmu telah diterima oleh seseorang nun jauh di sana dengan email, beberapa jam berikutnya kau telah dapat berbicara dengannya melalui msn messenger en voice chat, ketika kau ingin bertemu dengannya...mintalah dia memasang webcamnya dan kita seperti hanya dibatasi sebentuk layar monitor. Mungkin kau tak dapat menyentuhnya...merasakan masakannya, atau mengusilinya, tetapi dia di sana sedang terhubung denganmu dan saat ini kau telah menembus ruang dan jarak sejauh apapun dengan bantuan komputermu.

Tetapi tak semua orang bisa melakukan hal yang sama ketika beberapa faktor membatasi seperti keadaan ekonomi, keterbatasan pengetahuan, dan perbedaan hobi. Jadi benarkah kalau kita butuh teman ato pacar yang pintar chat? atau benarkah jika sekarang orang bisa menikah online? terdengar menggelikan...tapi begitulah orang sekarang di jaman yang semakin gila

A month in Sweden

Sudah sebulan akhirnya aku ada di Sweden. Senang juga karena apa yang kutakutan nggak terjadi atau katakanlah belum terjadi. Hari-hari di sini sungguh cerah, matahari bersinar hampir tiap hari, nggak teralu banyak angin juga (gak seperti di Belanda) walaupun malam sudah mulai dingin banget. Aku tahu kelak hari-hari akan menjadi semakin dingin dengan bergantinya musim tetapi aku sama sekali tidak menyesali jika aku ada di sini sekarang bersama teman-teman yang lain.

Tuhan memang baik, Dia tahu apa yang terbaik untukku. Meskipun pada awalnya aku ragu kalau aku bisa bertahan di negara yang sudah mendekati kutub ini (alergi dingin si). Aku juga ragu ketika harus meninggalkan semuanya di Belanda, orang yang kusayangi, sohib-sohib terbaik yang pernah aku miliki, dan juga kamar yang bagiku sudah kuanggap rumah sendiri. Akhirnya...sebulan telah berlalu dan aku bersyukur berada di sini (^-^)

Hidup kita masih panjang. Kadang teralu cepat memikirkan masa depan yang diimpikan ketika kita belum bisa menerima keadaan kita sekarang, menerima jalan yang diberikan Tuhan. Seringkali jalan itu memang berat dan nggak sesuai keinginan kita. Kalau aku bisa memilih, aku ingin pulang ke Indo lebih lama, terus menetap di Belanda, memiliki kerjaan, dan ga berpisah dengan teman-temanku tetapi pada akhirnya pada saat ini aku belum tentu sebahagia ini hehehe.

Adalah berat untuk berpisah dan meninggalkan, but that's live people come people go all you can do is let it flow. When I'm apart with you...I believe God will take care both of us and He is working in His way that humans can't see. There will be someday where we will be united again, of course it's because of His will. All you have to do is walking on the path that He has prepared 4 us.

Kacamata pertama ni...

Betulnya udah lama banget mulai pakai kacamata sekitar 2 bulan lalu. Pas di Indo beli kacamata ni...huhuh merasa semakin tua jg ni...udah dapet minus jg.

tapi lama2 biasa juga koq...biar hitungannya jarang banget dipakai kecuali buat belajar ma liat papan tulis yang jauh-jauh. Moga-moga selama aku di Sweden...kacamata ini lebih berguna deh..siapa tahu bisa membantu waktu udah hujan salju...(berkhayal jg ni)