Otousan

This person is scary. At least that what I always thought when I was a kid. He's my dad, the one who rules everything in my family. Everything can't be happened if he doesn't approve it. He has a very high temper, get angry so soon when someone disobeys him or something is not right according to his instinct. But actually deep inside his heart, he cares a lot about his family and his surroundings.

Three of us including my brother and sister cannot directly say what we want since we know it's hard to make dad say yes. I often asked my mom to buy me something or give me money so that I could buy some food at school, but it's kinda useless since mom always tell dad what I wanted to have. The day after he got angry with me and gave me a very long speech about how difficult was to earn money. Finally, I never had money in my pocket until I entered high school ^^;

But I don’t regret it at all. As I grow up I learnt that earning money is not a simple thing. Dad had taught me that we should care about single cent that we spent and it's a worth lesson.

My dad is a dictator. I should do what he commanded me to do like studying everyday, practicing organ everyday, go to bed before 9 o'clock, not to lay down in the sofa, giving good example to my sis and bro, help my mom in the kitchen, etc. If I didn't do what he commanded, he certainly would punish me badly. The fact that I hardly did what he ordered and after mom told him what I had done, the minutes after he let me stand outside the house until late night and locked the door. I cried but he seemed thinking that I deserved for it and mom could do nothing of it.

He hardly approved my request on the first time I asked it. Most of the time, he yelled 'no' at me or just leave us with no answer. But mom told me that later on he always thought again and discussed it with my mom. Once I really wanted to have an alarm clock, every time we passed by a place that sold those clocks, I asked my mom if I can buy one. But she always said that I should ask it to dad and I wasn’t dared enough to do that. Then mom told Dad that I really wanted to have an alarm clock, and he said no that just waste of money.

A week after is my 12th birthday, suddenly mom came to my room and gave me a little white box. She said it was from Dad. I was so happy that I found a cute alarm clock that I ever wished for and it was much more beautiful than any clocks that I saw in the clock stores. After all he just kept silent and said nothing about it but he knew that I was happy.

I learnt that people will appreciate and take care more of what they have when they don’t get those things easily. There are efforts and time cost.

My Dad is a hard worker. He worked everyday and built his career since he graduated from university. First time he worked, he aimed to propose my mom. Then I was born and then my brother and sister, my dad worked now to give a better life for his family. Since I was less than a year old, we often moved from city to another city. Dad changed his jobs many times and God helped him to get the jobs. But the best thing was he always got better positions in his new workplaces. After all, experiences are always the good teacher. He's very stubborn but responsible to what he has already decided. Delivering his opinion to the superior is a "must action" if he thinks something is not right even it endangered his position. Yeah, as you know that Indonesia is a country with high level of Uncertainty Avoidance.

He always told me, since I decided to continue my study in other city apart from my family, that he let me to do everything I'd like to do as long as I can take the responsibility for that. It's hard but I often want to runaway from the bad situation that I had. But the problem won't finish just by pretending not knowing it. It's hurt but I have to face it after all. This is how I learn to be more mature person.

Now dad has quit from his job and work alone as an entrepreneur. Life becomes even harder now because the income is unpredictable since we earn from what we can sell. Dad hardly tells me our family's financial situation now since he quit while I was in Holland. Instead of that he keeps supporting me to do my best in my study. I found the truth when I went back home last summer. I was so down to see that both mom and dad now are working twice harder than before to earn less than dad's salary before. But dad told me not to worry because God will take care and fulfill and God really does. Dad believes that if God let me to study abroad 2.5 years ago then He will make a way for me and my family ( and I have faith in it).

Life is not becoming simpler as we grow up. Someday children will leave their parents and live as independent people in the society. A lot of people fail to find their true self and finally lost themselves after they have to live as adults apart from their parents. Parents are just normal people that can come and go. They will leave us for sure but what they have taught us will stay forever. For me that's a lifetime treasure.

God is not human and He's everywhere. We often think that He leaves us when we are in bad situations. But the truth is that we leave Him because we only think about our own self and power. People can come and go but God stays forever. When I lost myself, He will find me and make a way; when I am left by everyone, I know He'll stay beside me. So whatever I am and whenever I am now, I will always have place to come back. The place that is called my Father's place (it's both my biological dad's 'n my heavenly Father's--get what I mean?)^o^

Daijoubu desu ka??

I can't say a lot words but I just wanna say that I'm sad Too many works to be done before Christmas so little time I have..gambatte ne Lea now seem like I try hard to cheer myself. Hope it will work...

When I desperate like this in the coldest country that I've ever known, I'd like to go to party, socialize with others, and of course to forget my problems a while and get a little warmth. But it's not a good way either (wakateru...) hiks hiks...Finally the best way I can do is keep fighting for my own sake and keep praying that God will lead my way and make everything in control ameen..

I want this, I want that, a lot of fun that I wanna have...but now just hold myself back for a while. I miss my friends, family, and someone there...but I put away those feelings until I successfully managed myself back:) Gomen ne..mina I don't mean to be indifferent..really. Sometimes I just lost myself somewhere, in the phase that over my reach. Maybe it's not the first time, as I could remember, mostly happened by the time I'm going to have my holiday. But in the end everything just back normal after the holiday. Just like refreshing stage..this is how I can enjoy my day off more. People will enjoy their spare time more when the time before they've got a lot of pressures from works or surroundings and then successfully get rid of them. Wish that will happen very soon. Suteki desu ne...